If birds ruled the planet

Here’s the third installment of a series of “what ifs.” Previous versions posts have dealt with Jack Russell Terriers and cats. Enjoy!

• Everyone would be all a twitter all the time.
• Tweety bird would be world leader and Larry Bird the prime minister.
• The term “bird-brain” would be a compliment.
• Flipping someone the bird would replace thumbs up as a positive gesture.
• There would be no such thing as a “non-fly zone.”
• Turkey would be the site of the world capital.
• The statue with the most bird poops left on it would win holiday decorating contests.
• Roast kitty stuffed with bird seed would be served at Thanksgiving.
• The Cat in the Hat  would be replaced by The Bird Dropped a Turd.
• Penguins, ostrich, and emu would be given free flying lessons.
• Frequent flyer programs would apply to migration too.
• Pillows or other products made from feathers or down would be prohibited.
• Snow birds would be required to prove their flight capability or change their nickname.
• Chickens would no longer have to cross the road for the sake of a dumb joke.
• All leftover funds for scientific research would be put into a worldwide program to determine which came first – the chicken or the egg.
• Just “winging-it” would be frowned upon.
• A cure for empty nest syndrome would be given high priority.
• Eagles, hawks, kingfishers, owls, cardinals, blue jays, and other birds displayed on coinage, stamps, team logos, and other items shall receive royalties.
• Meet the Fokker’s would have been called Meet the Flockers.
• There would be no pheasants kept under glass.