- The term “wiener dog” would be outlawed.
- All furniture would be required to be no more than 12 inches above the ground, including dinner tables so it is easier for us to scrounge for between meal snacks.
- All cities named Frankfort must change their name to Frankfurt.
- Frankfurt, Germany would be the world capital.
- The term “hot dog” can only be used to describe how rad we are – the food “hot dog” would be revised to “tubular treat.” (Believe me – I could have gone down some slippery slopes with this one.)
- A single clip-on roller skate would be formed-fitted so our bellies do not drag on the ground.
- Dorky would be decreed as a positive attribute.
- The national sport would be badger hunting.
- The University of Wisconsin would be required to change its mascot to the skunk, because all badger’s stink.
- They would be unilaterally declared grand champion at all dog shows – forget those prissy poodles and annoying fluff balls.
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