Newt Gingrich – learn to smile like you actually mean it instead of like you have something sneaky hidden up your sleeve.
Rick Santorum – visit the Wizard of Oz (or Dr. Oz) to find a heart – heaven knows you need one.
Mitt Romney – find a personality.
Michelle Bachmann – join Rick Santorum, but in the search for a brain – e.g. Libya is in Africa!
Rand Paul – learn to not seem so cross all the time. Lighten up now and then.
Rick Perry – learn that being a hotshot from from Texas does not guarantee you anything, especially when your accomplishments have been mostly done with smoke and mirrors and on the backs of the poor.
John Huntsman – as the only reasonable person among the bunch, find some reasonable people to vote for you and quickly.
GOP voters – join the excursion to Oz to find some courage in order to move past the party’s ugly rhetoric of divisiveness and hate.