- Humming would be prohibited, unless you are a hummingbird.
- All “tweeting” would be required to have a melody
- Cats would be required to live only indoors and must be declawed and de-fanged.
- Spring migration could only start when it stays warm (in some places, this means never).
- Choir practice is mandatory starting one hour before sunrise and not concluding until sunset. No exceptions!
- Worms and flying insects are mandatory for breakfast – the earlier the better or the worms.
- Squawking is prohibited – we sing, not squawk.
- Birdman of Alcatraz and The Birds would be required entertainment.
- Bird-in-Hand, Pennsylvania must be renamed as Two-in-a-Bush.
- Being a bird brain would be a good thing.
- All feeders must be cleaned once a day so we don’t keep eating our own droppings – tasty as they are.
- The Navy and Air Force would be required to carry us across large bodies of water during migration so we do not have to flap our wings so damn much.
- Those who sing off-key will be forced to listen to endless duets by Michael Bolton and Roseanne Barr.
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