Given the popularity of Duck Dynasty, the AFLAC duck, Donald Duck, Daffy Duck, the duckduckgo.com search engine, and a myriad of other duck-related items, one would think these winged fowl already ruled the planet. But, just in case, here’s my list of what would happen if they did.
- Fouls and foul balls would be renamed mammal blunders and mammal balls (keep your mind out of the gutter please) since it is humans that cause them in the first place.
- The Anaheim Ducks would be the World’s favorite pro sport’s franchise – sorry Dallas Cowboys.
- The Oregon Ducks or Drake University would be alternating national champions in all collegiate sports for eternity.
- Everything will be just plain ducky!
- “Duck Soup” would be outlawed.
- The world capital would be relocated to Duck, North Carolina (or as it will be revised to Duck, Tail Feathers)
- Mallards would be allowed to procreate wherever they want (oh wait, they already do that!).
- Elmer Fudd is public enemy number one.
- Bugs Bunny is public enemy number two.
- Forget winter, spring, summer, or fall as every day will be duck season!
- Duck hunters will be disarmed (literally).
- Duck “weed” would be legal.
- Duck blinds will be converted to overpriced waterfront condominiums without air conditioning for Wall Street bankers.
- Duck and cover and/or duck, duck, goose would be the worldwide pastimes.
- Quackers would be the primary diet source.
- Bad doctors would not be called quacks. Turkeys maybe…but not quacks.
- There would be no such thing as an ugly duckling!
That’s all folks!
Rick–As a proud grad of the University of Oregon I wholeheartedly endorse your remarks about my Ducks being national champions for eternity, provided they actually have to play Drake in the national Championship game every year, which makes a lot more sense than the BCS ever did.