Your community is a small town when…


This is the seventh in a series of satirical posts. This time, small towns are under the microscope. Your community is a small town when…

  • Clark Kent grew up there.
  • A high-rise is a silo, water tower, or church steeple.
  • Its name is Lilliput.
  • It does not show up on a map…any map.
  • Rural is too dense of a land use category.
  • Everyone resembles a Smurf or a Hobbit.
  • There isn’t even one horse in town.
  • There is only one zoning district classification.
  • The telegraph office is still open and operating.
  • Places named Boondocks or Podunk are much larger.
  • Billy Beer is still for sale there.

    Source: rustycans.com

    Source: rustycans.com

  • If you blink, you might miss it while passing through.
  • There are no fast food chains (a very good thing!).
  • There are no big boxes (another very good thing!).
  • You think well water is quite tasty.
  • Boones Farm is a high-quality wine.
  • Catfish and crawdads are a local delicacy.
  • Tin cans and some wire make for great telephones.
  • Satellite dishes outnumber people.
  • Owning a new mobile home is a status symbol.
  • You know what a Tastee-Freez is.
  • It contains plenty of pink houses.
  • The general store is now a dollar store.
  • Your post office closed years ago (not a good thing).
  • There is no exit for your town off the Interstate Highway.
  • It never qualified as a whistle-stop.
  • There are more grass airstrips than paved driveways.
  • You know what 4-H means.

    Source: twitter.com

    Source: twitter.com

  • Residents have to ask what a paved driveway is.
  • They ran out of rural route numbers in your area.
  • It is among those that are disappearing at an alarming rate across the Midwest (a terrible thing).
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One Response to Your community is a small town when…

  1. I suggest you delete the items about 4-H and Tastee-Freez. I grew up in a big city, and used to be familiar with both items, though 4-H just from being ed-yoo-cat-ed. There may also be a problem with ‘not being on any map.’ It’s amazing what’s on maps now. Census maps “unincorporated places.” USGS has lots of places, more old ones too because so many of their base maps are out of date. I’ve got some old Auto Club maps which show railroad sidings in the Mojave Desert. These aren’t towns, but the sidings still work, and they’re popular with car-campers. And there’s a wiki-type online map.

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