Below are a list of clues that indicate you might inflict yard blight on your neighbors, beyond the obvious example of derelict structures and unkempt yards. For this post, “yard blight” is generally defined as:
The overuse of, display of, and/or the accummulation of gawdy items (often cheap items) in one’s yard or a display/design which is poorly thought out and/or executed.
Some of the clues listed below apply to residential uses, other to commercial uses, and a few to both. Please feel free to send along any other examples that may have been overlooked – no eye candy allowed. Remember – this is meant to be all in fun and satire. Enjoy!
- A constantly rotating menagerie of holiday yard decorations – New Years, Easter, Fourth of July, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Christmas, etc.
- Gnomes – roaming or otherwise
- More Christmas yard decorations than Bronner’s in Frankenmuth, Michaels, or Hobby Lobby have in stock
- Strands of haphazardly strung holiday lights – do it right or don’t do it!
- More lights than an airport runway
- Any metal shadowy figure such as Marlboro Man or the bent over woman gardener
- Plastic palm trees
- More satellite dishes than NASA
- A couch anywhere outside the dwelling
- Camperama in your yard
- More than one ceramic/concrete yard ornament or display
- More than a couple of whirly-gigs
- A fabric carport
- Old tires used a garden edging or accent pieces
- A litany of political signs every election cycle
- Bright blue tarp over the leak in your roof or over your car (other colors apply too)
- Un-bagged piles of leaves and/or yard debris
- A balloon gorilla or other air-filled object on your business rooftop or in the front yard
- Berlin Wall-like fencing around your garden
- Landscape boulders when you don’t live in a place with a rocky terrain like Boulder
- A front porch goose with a revolving wardrobe
- Overstated support for your alma mater
- Glare bomb floodlighting
- “Doggy-in-training” signs
- Contractor signs six months after the project is done
- Vehicles on blocks or on a jack
- Vehicles with flat tires
- Vehicles in various states of disrepair
- Vehicles wallpapered in bumper stickers
- PODS or similar storage units in the driveway much longer than is necessary
- Assorted junk without a home
- HAM radio towers and especially the wires – can you say decapitate?
- Never-ending garage sales
- Never-ending “for sale or lease” signs on commercial properties that are fully occupied.
I pass at least half of this checklist leaving my neighborhood and complete the rest on the way to work. I’ve seen an uptick in residential in-city ATV and boat storage. Because where to store was never part of the equation.
Also a classic, is the rusted out basketball hoop post, backboard sans rim. Might as well strand some lights on it and use it as a part-time Festivus pole.
I should have thought of rusty basketball goals considering I grew up in Indiana.
Also, riding mowers that no longer function and sit outside in the rain.